Great Expectations

I have this funny feeling that in looking over my life of late, God felt the need to teach me a lesson because the last two weeks have been all about letting go of the control I continually try to take of my own life and letting go of the expectations that I have set for myself and my life. A few examples to illustrate:

Last weekend was my birthday weekend, and I was very excited and just knew it was going to be awesome. After all, I had planned it very carefully to be just that way. On Thursday I was going to get a haircut and pedicure and then Bryan and I had a grown up day planned for that Friday involving a movie (a very rare treat), lunch at Nona Tata's, and shopping. Then on Saturday my parents were coming into town so we could all go to May Fest. Sounds super fun, right? Well, let me tell you how much of what I planned happened: zilch, zero, nada. Three reasons: Bryan had a very bad case of the (non-swine) flu, Robby's daycare closed for the swine flu, May Fest was cancelled. And, then, just to make extra sure that none of my plans could go forward, it poured all weekend long.

Did I go with the flow and just enjoy the things we did do? Not really. Instead I kinda felt pouty all weekend. That helped matters greatly....

So, apparently, I did not quite learn my lesson. Don't worry, God is very persistent. He kept revealing to me how when you don't have expectations, days that start out as nothing turn out to be really fun and memorable (see Coo Coo!) while high expectations often lead to disappointment (I think I'll save my purse story for another day though).

Then, I started getting emails from my Sunday School teacher about a couple in our class who gave birth to their daughter a couple of days ago. It had been a very tough pregnancy, and almost immediately after birth, serious complications developed in their new daughter. She can't breathe on her own or swallow on her own.

As we prayed for them, I realized finally just how high my expectations really are. The sonogram that we are going to get this week is not done to tell us the gender, it is done to screen for serious defects in the baby. In my thoughts and prayers for this week though, I see now that I truly expected those things to be fine and spent much of my worries/anticipation on finding out the gender. Am I saying that I have never had fears about the health of this unborn baby or spent serious time in prayer on behalf of my baby's health? Of course not. Would I have to admit that I pretty much expect to give birth to a baby who can breathe on his/her own? Absolutely.

In a book I am reading a character says, "My mother always told me to expect nothing so that everything I receive will be a gift." I think that is Godly wisdom from a secular source. God doesn't owe us anything, and truly anything we have is a gift from Him. While it is easy for me to understand this lesson theoretically (or theologically?), letting go of expectations is something I think I will be working on for a long time to come.